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June 22, 2011
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ESPADA Anime Scenes PARODY



Scene 1: Ulquiorra and Ichigo meet face-to-face for the second time (prior to their first battle).

Ichigo: OMFG I GOTTA SAVE RUKIA NOWZ, I R ALMIGHTY PROTECTOR!! *starts briskly walking away—no hurry, ya know.*

Ulquiorra: Where are you going?

Ichigo:  Oh, I forgot I left some doughnuts in the freezer and I'm gonna have some now WHAT DO YOU F*CKIN' THINK?!!

Ulquiorra: Um...okay...

Ichigo:  *stops* Oh, one question.

Ulquiorra: What?

Ichigo: Why do you look so much like L from Deathnote?

Ulquiorra:...Get out.

Ichigo: But—

Ulquiorra: NOW!!

*Ichigo flees*


Scene 2:  Ulquiorra talks to Nnoitra. Only time in the whole show.

Nnoitra: BOOBS!

Ulquiorra:...what?

Nnoitra:  Nothin'. Did pet-sama give you some sugar? *wink wink*

Ulquiorra: *stares blankly*

Nnoitra: You know...ACTION...*wink wink wink*

Ulquiorra: *keeps staring*

Nnoitra: *appears  in front of Ulqui* DID YOU AND PET-SAMA HAVE HARD BISHIE SEX OR NOT???!!!

Ulquiorra:....No.

Nnoitra: *just stares, turns around, and walks away.*


*A few minutes later, he comes back, rubbing his temples.*


Nnoitra: Right. Next question: Did Aizen-sama use his sword's special ability-that-I-can't-remember-the-name of-on-pet-sama?

Ulquiorra: No. Instead--*proceeds to rant and take up about five minutes of our lives in doing so.*

Nnoitra: *after the first sentence, thinking*...Nah, sorry dude, mind's gone blank—completely lost ya. Oh well, I'll just pretend to listen so I don't look stupid....I might get some nachos later.... Mmmm....nachos...

Ulquiorra:...Are you even listening to me?

Nnoitra: NACHOES!!

*Awkward silence*

Ulquiorra:...I'll take that as a no.


Scene 3: Nel meets Ichigo for the first time. (MADE-UP FOR THE LAWLZ)

Nel: HI! I R NEL TU! I'M GONNA BE COMIC RELIEF FOR THE NEXT TEN OR SO EPISODES UNTIL I SUDDENLY TURN INTA A HAUGHT STRIPPER WITH BOOBS THE SIZE OF SPACE-HOPPERS!

(Here is a picture of a spcae-hopper for those of you who don't know: upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia…

Ichigo: Nah, don't see that happening. Keep dreaming, tho.


Scene 4: Nnoitra first sees Orihime

Nnoitra: TITTIES!!

Orihime: It's Orihime.

Nnoitra: BITCH-MELONS!!

Orihime: ORIHIME.

Nnoitra: HOOT-HOOT!!

Orihime: O-RI-HI-ME.

Nnoitra: BOW-CHIKKA-BOW-WOW!!

Orihime: ORIHIME YOU FREAK! *smothers him in her cleavage.*


Scene 5:  Szayel Apollo meets Ishida and Renji for the first time.

Szayel: *in the most high-pitched, feminine voice known to man* HI THERE YOU SILLY LITTLE KITTIES! I'M SZAYEL APOLLO GRANZ! YOU CAN CALL ME ZAY-ZAY! I'M SO TOTALLY NOT A HOMOSEXUAL!

Ishida: O.O;...I'm so glad my mom was an asshole to me.

Renji: O.O; Same here, buddy.


Scene 6: Nnoitra and Nelliel meet again.

Nnoitra: OMG MOAR TITTEHS!

Nelliel: OMG UGLY SPOON!

*silence*

Nnoi+Nell: DIE!!! *attack each other*


Scene 6: Grimmjow vs Ichigo

Grimmjow: I'M GONNA BE KING!

Ichigo: Of what? Lions??

Grimmjow: NO, ASSHOLE! YARN!!!

Ichigo: O.O

Grimmjow: I'M GONNA BE KING OF ALL THE YARN IN THE UNIVERSE!!

Ichigo:...I can't believe I went Hollow on this nut's ass.


Scene 7: Aaroneirro vs Rukia.

Arroneirro: I am the Noveno Espada, Aaronneirro...holy shit I can't even pronounce my last name...OUR last name...

Rukia: Wait, Aaro...Aaronneee...Aosnfujfjgjj....

Aaro—whatever: OMG I HATE MY MOM!!! OUR MOM!!

Rukia:  I can't believe this. I'm fighting against a crazy schizophrenic kettle-head. My creator clearly hates me.


Scene 8: Byakuya vs Zommari

Byakuya: Now I will destroy you for—

Zommari: OMG, YOU RACIST MUTHERF*CKER SHIT DAYAAAM!

Byakuya:...What?

Zommari: OMG YOU WANNA KILL AN EVIL BLACK MAN, YOU R RACIST!

Byakuya:  ...What was Kubo on when he created you? No, seriously, what?

Zommari: STERIODS AND CRACK COCAINE! Oh shit, did ah just say dat out loud?

Byakuya: ....¬_¬;


Scene 9: Staark vs that Shinigami with the weird coat and hat.

Staark: zzzzzzzzzzzz............

Wierd Shinigami: -_-; What the hell is going on?

Staark: *in sleep* No....no...I don't...wanna....kitty...Grimmjow....does...just...fine....

Wierd Shinigami: O.O; *scarpers*


Scene 10: Yammy vs...lotsa people.

Yammy: IMMA FIRIN' MAH LA—
People: OMG, SO IT WAS YOU WHO MADE UP THAT CATCHPHRASE! DIE, ABOMINATION!!

*Yammy is owned. Again.*
This is what happens when I'm bored. Apologies if this is the most unfunny crap you've ever read.

None of the characters mentioned in this belong to me. They belong to Tite Kubo, creator of BLEACH (c)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmegshadow:
Megshadow Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013
lol nacho's
Reply
:iconpainmistress:
Painmistress Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I LOLed so hard when I read this and this is my third time reading this!
Reply
:iconiron-donut:
Iron-Donut Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh god i fell off the chair in a fit of laughter at this but I hit one of my chair legs and hurt my back... OWWW I loves dis so much though :D
Reply
:icondragonoftheicestorm:
DragonOfTheIceStorm Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2011  Student General Artist
I lawled so hard when I read this.
xD
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you! There's way more where this came from! :love:
Reply
:icondragonoftheicestorm:
DragonOfTheIceStorm Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Student General Artist
xD
I bet I'll watch you then!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Student Writer
Yay! Thank you! :hug:
Reply
:icondragonoftheicestorm:
DragonOfTheIceStorm Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Student General Artist
xD
No problem.
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Student Writer
:huggle:
Reply
:icondragonoftheicestorm:
DragonOfTheIceStorm Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2011  Student General Artist
xD
Reply
Add a Comment: