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BLEACH GRIMMY by 001-1815

Writing by shuameyuki




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Submitted on
June 25, 2011
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Scene 1:  Ulquiorra vs Ichigo (round 2)

Ulqui: *draws his sword, with a demonic voice* BACK OFF, BITCH, SHE'S MINE!!

Ichigo: Seriously, dude, ever heard of happy pills?

Ulqui: No, but I've heard of weed. Now that's one hell of a drug. I would know.

Ichigo: Looks like it had the emo effect on ya.

Ulqui: No shit, Sherlock.


Scene 2: Ulqui visits Orihime.

Ulqui: *dramatically* I AM MAKING MY GRAND ENTRANCE! BEHOLD MY SEXY GOODNESS! LOOK AT IT!! LOOK AT IIIIITT!!! YOU LIKE IT, DON'T YOU? YEAH, DAMN RIGHT! Guess what—YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!! HA!!!

Orihime: O.O;...I miss the zombie Ulqui...


Scene 3: Nnoitra talks to Ulqui (again).

Ulqui: Dude, seriously, don't you have anything better to do with your time?

Nnoitra: No. Why the hell else would I be wasting it talking to you?

Ulqui:...Dick.

Nnoitra: Thank you!


Scene 4: Mayuri vs Szayel.

Mayuri:...and the pain will last you a thousand years even though in reality it only takes up about one second of our worthless lives! Enjoy!

Szayel: *for a thousand years* FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....


Scene 5:  Grimmjow appears as Orihime is being beaten up by two Arrancar girls with an Aizen fetish.

Grimmjow: Yo, bitches, how's yer sex life? Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot—YA DON'T HAVE ONE CUZ YER TWO UNLIKABLE BITCHES!

Loli+Menoly: OMG WE'RE SO WEAK AND INAFFECTUAL BUT WE'RE GONNA ATTACK YOU ANYWAYZ, HAA!! *they attack*

Grimmjow: *ceros them both*

*Dramatic silence*

Grimmjow: Bleach has no room for hoes.


Scene 6: Aizen finally hauls his toffee ass to the Espada meeting.

Aizen:*all happy and chibi as rainbows and unicorns looking suspiciously like Gin and Tousen explode in a shower of love hearts behind him* HI GAIZ!!!

Espada: O.O; Holy shit, he's been at the weed big time...

Aizen:*in the same happy voice*  IMMA GONNA SING YOU THE 'HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY' SONG!! EVERYONE SING ALONG OR I RIP OUT YOUR TONGUES AND FEED IT TO YOUZ! YAAAY! *twirls*

Espada: Kill us now. Please. Someone.

Aizen: SING!!!!

*they sing*

Narrator: Having been forced to recite the infamous 'Happy Happy Joy Joy' song about a hundred times over, all members of the Espada were mentally traumatised for the rest of their miserable lives. The End ^^.


Scene 7: Zommari vs Byakuya—Yo Momma.

Zommari: Yo momma's so ugleh that when she went to the butchers and asked for shit meat they cut off her head!

Byakuya: Your mother is so ugly that when my mother met your mother my mother asked: 'Who's dog is this?'

Zommari: *gasp* OH NO YOU DI'INT!

Byakuya: Oh yes I did.

Zommari: Oh NO you DI'INT!!!

Byakuya: Yes. I did.

Zommari: OH NO—

Byakuya: YES I F*CKIN DID MUTHERF*CKER SHIT DAYAAAM WHAT WRONG WITCHOO?!!!
*silence*

Byakuya: *falls to his knees in shame* Oh my God...WHAT HAVE I BECOME?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


Scene 8:  Barragan enters the battle with the Shinigami.

Barragan: *wakes up* Hm? Wha? Where am I? Who are you people?! PUDDING!!! NACHOES!! PORN!! F*CK MEXICO!!!!

Barragan's Fraccion:...Seriously, what were we thinking when we chose him to be our leader?


Scene 9:  Harribel vs Hitsugaya.

Harribel: Hey there, wanna see my tits?

Hitsugaya: Uh, no, that's not—

Harribel: Aw, c'mon, don't be such a wet snowflake!

Hitsugaya: ...>_<

Harribel: They're big, y'know!

Hitsugaya: ....How big?

Momo: *smacks him* CHEATER!!!

Hitsugaya: WTF, WE WEREN'T EVEN DATING!

Momo: Well according to the fanbase we were!! *attacks him*

Hitsugaya: SAVE ME BOOB LADY!! SAVE ME WITH YOUR CLEAVAGE!! AAAAAHHH!!!!

Harribel: *watching* Heh. Even the coldest of men are suckers for huge Gazongas.


Scene 10: Ulqui Kidnaps Orihime.

Ulqui: *deadpan* Hey there. Check out my Dramatic Entrance Number One. *does a victory motion with his hands*. Go me. Go me. It's my birthday.

Orihime: *to the two Shinigami guides* OMG I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO OR IF YOU BOTH GET KILLED JUST DON'T LET HIM TAKE ME!!!


Szayel, one hundred years later.

Szayel:UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-K!!!
All characters mentioned in this crack fic do not belong to me, they belong to Tite Kubo.

Christ, guys, I'm on a roll! hope this is as funny, if not more so, than the previous one! Thank you all for your support!! :hug:
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:iconsynysterdemonicrose:
SynysterDemonicRose Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Byakuya: YES I F*CKIN DID MUTHERF*CKER SHIT DAYAAAM WHAT WRONG WITCHOO?!!!
*silence*
Byakuya: *falls to his knees in shame* Oh my God...WHAT HAVE I BECOME?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Can I just PLEASE die now??!!
Great job! :lmao:

Aizen's so high...damn weed...
Halibel...:lol:
Reply
:icontoasterroaster:
toasterroaster Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012
Alternative ending for scene 9:

Harribel: They're big you know!

Hitsugaya: I can see that...

Harribel: Not interested?

Hitsugaya: I'm already sorted in that department *points over at Rangiku*

Harribel: Who said you can only have one giant pair at a time?

Hitsugaya: MUST.....NOT.....SUCCUMB..... TO HOLLOW....... LOGIC!!......

Harribel: *removes top*

Hitsugaya: YAY!!!!!
Reply
:iconiron-donut:
Iron-Donut Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aizen's so high XD
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Student Writer
Yup--that's pretty much his general state of existence in these parodies XD
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:iconiron-donut:
Iron-Donut Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
lol
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:iconmrsishida0560:
MrsIshida0560 Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
lol Byakuya!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner May 28, 2012  Student Writer
lol yeah XD
Reply
:iconmrsishida0560:
MrsIshida0560 Featured By Owner May 28, 2012  Student Filmographer
:XD: did not expect him to say that lol
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner May 28, 2012  Student Writer
I'll bet! XD
Reply
:iconmrsishida0560:
MrsIshida0560 Featured By Owner May 28, 2012  Student Filmographer
:XD:
Reply
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