Scene 1: The Espada discover the 'If Your Name was an Emo Song' website. And yes, it is real.
Ulquiorra: *types in his name*
The result: 'Ignore my soul because you're bored.'
Ulqui: T_T Bastards.
Nnoitra: *types in his name*
The result: 'Ignore my paranoia because you're so controversial.'
Nnoitra: ...That just screams me and Nelliel.
Harribel: *types in her name*
The result 'Revive my heart because I want to believe in us'
Harribel:...Why didn't Ulquiorra get this?
Grimmjow: *types in his name*
The result: 'Revive my soul right now'.
Grimmjow: Damn straight!!! *roars*... Wait, WHAT?!
Szayel: *types in his name*
The result: 'Stab my sanity because I want to believe in us'.
Szayel: YEAH, STAB ME, BITCHES! STAB ME HARD!
Zommari: *types his name*
The result: Revive my paranoia forever.
Zommari: Why would anyone WANT to be paranoid??!! Unless you're Nnoitra.
Nnoitra: YO MOMMA IS PARANOID!!
Zommari: *sarcastically* Ooh, burn.
Starrk: *gets Lillynette to type in his name for him*
The result: 'Stab my tears because you're bored.'
Starrk: Seriously, what's with these people and stabbing?
Yammy: *misspells his name several times*
The result: (made-up) 'Sh*t man, why do you even bother?'
Yammy: WAAAH, THE SHINY BOX HATES ME!!!
Scene 2: Nnoitra Discovers ITunes.
Nnoitra: *Notices computer on in Szayel's lab, sits down at it and sees the ITunes icon.*
Nnoitra: Wtf? Is this that song downloading thing Poof-Lantern's been raving on about?
Nnoitra: IMMA DOWNLOADING SHIT!!! *laughs manically*
LIST OF SONGS NNOITRA DOWNLOADED:
'Too Drunk To F*ck' by Dead Kennedys.
'Dear Penis or Titties and Beer' by Rodney Carrington.
'F*ck off and die' by Green Day.
'Ain't My Bitch' by Metallica.
'Son Of A B*tch' by Accept.
'Arma-God-Damn-Mother-F*cking-Geddon' by Marilyn Manson (after whom the fandom suspect Nnoitra modelled himself.)
Scene 3: One Night in Hueco Mundo, Nnoitra and Nelliel are arguing. This event was about as constant as Ulquiorra's frown. You get the point.
Nnoitra: BITCH, I AM NOT WATCHING THE MANTIS DOCUMENTARIES!!
Nelliel: ONLY BECAUSE YOU KEEP IMAGINING IT'S ME BITING OFF YOUR HEAD WHILE WE MAKE VIOLENT INSECT LOVE!
Nnoitra: STOP PUTTING THE IMAGES IN MY HEAD!!!
Nelliel: BUT IT'S NOT REAL!
Nnoitra: I DON'T CARE!!
Nelliel: RIGHT, THAT'S TORN IT, AND BY 'IT' I MEAN YOUR PORN MAGS!!
*opens a gargantar, takes out his secret porn mag stash, whose existence she discovered via secret camera surveillance (done for purely non-stalking reasons, of course), rips them up and chucks them on open fire Ulquiorra made a few paces away, at which he is sitting and roasting marshmellows.*
Nnoitra: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY BABIES!!! *falls to his knees and yells in despair* DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TA HELL!!!
Ulquiorra: *completely unfazed, watching the burning lump of porn before him, and takes a bite out of the marshmallow he just finished roasting* Hmm...Shattered dreams and despair. Yummy.
Nnoitra: *whom Realisation smacks round the face with a freakishly-large cod* OMG YESSSS!!! *jumps up and whoops in triumph*
Nelliel: *thinking he's finally snapped* O.O; What're you so happy about?
Nnoitra: *turns slowly and gives her his trademark shit-eating grin* I just remembered something...I paid for my porn using your credit cards.
Nelliel: O.O;; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY LIFE SAVINGS!!! *falls to her knees and yells in despair* DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TA HELL!!!
Nnoitra: *still grinning* Credit card fraud's a bitch, ain't it?
Ulquiorra: *om-nom-nomming on his marshmallow* Indeed it is.
Scene 4: The Espada talk about their time as animals/objects during the Fullbring Arc.
Ulquiorra: I was made a bat. Thus I stayed in Kurosaki's attic the entire time. It was fun when his blond sister came up, saw me, and freaked out. That is, until she got the broom out...
Nnoitra: They turned me into a f*ckin' spoon!! In Ichigo's house!! Breakfast that day....*shudders* I can still feel that bastard's tongue on my face...AAAAHHH!!!
Szayel: You think you had it bad?! I WAS TURNED INTO A CONDOM!!! I
Grimmjow: Whatever happened, we really don't want to know!! Our sanity is raped as it is without you f*cking it up more!
Szayel: *muttering* Homophobes...I'll get them back one day...with my GAYANATOR!!! *evil cackle*
Szayel: *sweetly* Nooooothin'!
Grimmjow: I was turned into a blue cat. That was cool. I could piss anywhere and on anyone I wanted toespecially Ichigo and his house in generaland I could eat and sleep wherever the heck I wantedon Ulquiorra's face, mostly(Ulquiorra: O.O...What?)... But then...*shudders*
All: What happened?
Grimmjow: Their neighbour's Rottweiler...
Nnoitra: HA!!! GRIMMJOW LOST HIS VIRGINITY TO A DOG!!! XD
Grimmjow: YO MOMMA LOST HER VIRGINITY TO A DOG!!
All: OOOOOooooooooooooooo! Burn!
Nnoitra: AssholeLOL, IRONY! XD
Starrk: I was turned into a coyote. Yeah, we all saw that comin'. And you can prob'ly guess what I was doing in that time...
Yammy: I was a baby chimp. I pooped.
Nnoitra: We coulda gone our whole lives not knowing that...or seeing that...image...in our minds *shudders*
Zommari: I was turned into a paperweight...
All: LOL, should've figured as much!
Scene 5: Grimmjow vs Shinji.
Shinji: TASTE THE MIGHT OF JAZZ FUNK, BITCH!!
Grimmjow: OH YEAH? I HOPE YOU CRY WHEN YOU GET YOUR JAZZY ASS KICKED BY MY METAL POWER!!!
Shinji: YOU'RE ONE TO TALKWHO WAS CONKED OUT ON DRUGS LAST SUNDAY AFTER A GIG, HUH? HUH?!
Grimmjow: OH LIKE YOU WEREN'T IN THE SAME CONDITION ELSEWHERE WITH YOUR HIPPIE FRIENDS!!
*they continue to bitch*
Ichigo: Uh...reckon this'll take a while?
Rukia: Definately. Hey, let's go get popcorn.
Ichigo: And remember to get me Salty
Rukia: *far away at the popcorn stand* WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! *buys him Sweet instead*
Ichigo: She never let's me have my way...*sulks*
Scene 6: Szayel talks about being Homo in a seemingly straight shounen manga.
Szayel: I'm hot, I'm gay, and I'm a villain. That means I fit in no-where. The hot guys go 'OMG HE'S GAYLET'S ASSERT OUR MASCULINITY BY THROWING OUR COCKS AROUND AND SLEEPING WITH HOES!' and the gay guys go: 'OMG HE'S LIKE, SO A CANON HOMO! LET'S SHUN HIM WITH OUR COLD FEMININE INDIFFERENCE!, and the villains go: 'OMG HE'S HOTTER THAN USLET'S WORK OUT TILL OUR MUSCLES SURPASS HIS SEXINESS! Or else wear make-upwhichever works best.'
Szayel: I wouldn't have been able to be where I was if it weren't for Nnoi-Nnoi...
Nnoitra: *offscreen* YES YOU COULD!!!