Scene 1: If the Espada hosted documentaries...
Ulquiorra: Goddoes he truly exist?...No he doesn't. Goodnight. *walks off*
Nnoitra: *walking in the desert in Hueco Mundo* And it was here, several months ago, that as me and Nelliel faced off for Round 2... Nelliel...shat herself.
Grimmjow: Catsare they truly badass? F*CK YES, GOODNIGHT!!
Szayel: 12:30 pm. Aizen does not expect the pleasant surprise of finding me in his bedroom butt-naked and tied to his bedposts...
Harribel: In today's episode of 'WOMEN TODAY', I will reveal the latest women's poll, in which they were asked: "Are men worth it?" ....99.9% said 'F*ck no!' and a very sad 1% said 'yes'. May God have mercy on her soul.
Scene 2: Yammy battles Yoriuchi and Uruhara in his and Ulqui's debut.
*Yammy is owned*
Ulquiorra: *thinking* *sigh* If you want something done properly, kill Yammy before you start.
Scene 3: Things you would never hear the Espada say...
Grimmjow: Hey, Kurosaki, would you like to go to lunch with me?
Harribel: F*CK WOMEN, I'M HAVIN' A SEX CHANGE!
Nnoitra: MAH SPOON IS TOO BIG!!
Nelliel: Nnoitra, your ways are childish and an insult to the Espada...AND I SO RESPECT YOU FOR THAT!! *glomps him*
Yammy: Did you know, Ulquiorra, that the Espada's traditional dress dates back to the 14th century? The name 'hakama'our lower garment covering us from the hip downoriginates from the word...
Szayel: Imma gonna go out and f*ck a woman!
Zommari: F*CK YOU, AIZEN!!!
Starrk: *to Lillynette* Holy sh*t I'm so high right now!!! Let's go run round some more!!
AA: Kuchiki, let's get married like the fans want us too!!
Barragan: I think I wet myself...
Ulquiorra: I'M SO FRICKIN' HAPPY RIGHT NOW!! *dances around the room with Orihime*
Scene 4: Ulquiorra faces off with Ichigo (round 2).
Ulqui: I have been ordered by Aizen-sama to keep this girl here. I will not kill her unless ordered to.
Ichigo: Hang on, you were listening when Aizen SPECIFICALLY SAID: "The girl is useless to us now, come and take her back"?
Ichigo: 'My point'?! You just contradicted yourself in the space of ONE SENTANCE! You're holding a hostage that your leader said could be taken awaytherefore, you don't seem to want me to take her away! MEANING: ULQUIHIME.IS.CANON!!!! YOU GAVE YOURSELF AWAY! HA!!
Ulqui:...May I be permitted to voice a short, violent exclamation?
Scene 5: Aizen delivers some bad news...
Aizen: Greetings, Espada...I'm afraid I have terrible news to report to you...
*The Espada tense*
Aizen:...and that is...
Aizen: We've...run out of tea.
*Espada: DUN DUNwait, WHAT?*
Espada: *deadpan* Uh...right. Oh dear. Such a shame...how will we ever recover from this tragic loss...?
Ulquiorra: Aizen-sama, may I be excused for a moment?
Ulquiorra: *walks out*
*a few minutes later, the cry of a man in agony is heard*
Ulquiorra: OH GOD, NO!!!!!
Scene 5: Grimmjow saves Orihime for the Loli and Menoli
Grimmjow: *grabs Orihime by the neck* Right, I saved your pretty assNOW GIVE ME THE YARN YOU PROMISED!!
Scene 6: Nnoitra looks at Orihime. And by Orihime, I mean her ginormous boobs.
Nnoitra: Mmm...tittie buns...
Tesla: *staring at Nnoitra like he does for 99% of his appearances* Omg, I just love it when Nnoitra-sama pervs like that!...
*in the flashback, Nelliel leaves a beaten Nnoitra*
Tesla: *Omg, I just love it when Nnoitra-sama spews blood like that...!*
Scene 7: Aaroneirro vs. Rukia.
Rukia: What have you done with Kaien-dono?!
AA: Oh yeah, he tasted great!
Rukia: What?! What about Orihime?!
AA: She also tasted great!
Rukia: *owns his bubbly ass*
Scene 8: If the Espada were to do their own TV show, it would be named...
--Ulquiorra's 'Why-Cut-Yourself-When-You-Can-Angst-With-Me? show.'
--Grimmjow's 'F*ck PhysicsGet Great Hair Like Mine!!'
--Harribel's 'How to feel comfortable with boobs the size of California'.
--Aaroneirro's 'How I survive in a Kitchen Product'.
--Yammy's 'Rap with the Master!!'
--Zommari's 'Meditation for Dummies.'
--Nnoitra's 'Loose Men'.
--Szayel's 'How I Came Out and Got On With It'
--Starrk's 'How to Nap Through Life's Trials and Tribulations'.