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BLEACH GRIMMY by 001-1815

Bleach by Black-Richa




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July 2, 2011
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Scene 1: If the Espada hosted documentaries...

Ulquiorra: God—does he truly exist?...No he doesn't. Goodnight. *walks off*

Nnoitra: *walking in the desert in Hueco Mundo* And it was here, several months ago, that as me and Nelliel faced off for Round 2... Nelliel...shat herself.

Grimmjow: Cats—are they truly badass? F*CK YES, GOODNIGHT!!

Szayel: 12:30 pm. Aizen does not expect the pleasant surprise of finding me in his bedroom butt-naked and tied to his bedposts...

Harribel: In today's episode of 'WOMEN TODAY',  I will reveal the latest women's poll, in which they were asked: "Are men worth it?" ....99.9% said 'F*ck no!' and a very sad 1% said 'yes'. May God have mercy on her soul.


Scene 2: Yammy battles Yoriuchi and Uruhara in his and Ulqui's debut.

*Yammy is owned*

Ulquiorra: *thinking* *sigh* If you want something done properly, kill Yammy before you start.


Scene 3: Things you would never hear the Espada say...

Grimmjow: Hey, Kurosaki, would you like to go to lunch with me?

Harribel: F*CK WOMEN, I'M HAVIN' A SEX CHANGE!

Nnoitra: MAH SPOON IS TOO BIG!!

Nelliel: Nnoitra, your ways are childish and an insult to the Espada...AND I SO RESPECT YOU FOR THAT!! *glomps him*

Yammy: Did you know, Ulquiorra, that the Espada's traditional dress dates back to the 14th century? The name 'hakama'—our lower garment covering us from the hip down—originates from the word...

Szayel: Imma gonna go out and f*ck a woman!

Zommari: F*CK YOU, AIZEN!!!

Starrk: *to Lillynette* Holy sh*t I'm so high right now!!! Let's go run round some more!!

AA: Kuchiki, let's get married like the fans want us too!!

Barragan: I think I wet myself...

Ulquiorra:  I'M SO FRICKIN' HAPPY RIGHT NOW!! *dances around the room with Orihime*


Scene 4: Ulquiorra faces off with Ichigo (round 2).

Ulqui: I have been ordered by Aizen-sama to keep this girl here. I will not kill her unless ordered to.

Ichigo: Hang on, you were listening when Aizen SPECIFICALLY SAID: "The girl is useless to us now, come and take her back"?

Ulqui:...Your point?

Ichigo: 'My point'?! You just contradicted yourself in the space of ONE SENTANCE! You're holding a hostage that your leader said could be taken away—therefore, you don't seem to want me to take her away! MEANING: ULQUIHIME.IS.CANON!!!! YOU GAVE YOURSELF AWAY! HA!!

Ulqui:...May I be permitted to voice a short, violent exclamation?

Ichigo: Uh...sure?

Ulqui: DAMN!!!!


Scene 5: Aizen delivers some bad news...

Aizen: Greetings, Espada...I'm afraid I have terrible news to report to you...

*The Espada tense*

Aizen:...and that is...

*More tension...*

Aizen: We've...run out of tea.

*Espada: DUN DUN—wait, WHAT?*

Espada: *deadpan* Uh...right.  Oh dear. Such a shame...how will we ever recover from this tragic loss...?

Ulquiorra: Aizen-sama, may I be excused for a moment?

Aizen: Certainly.

Ulquiorra: *walks out*

*a few minutes later, the cry of a man in agony is heard*

Ulquiorra: OH GOD, NO!!!!!


Scene 5: Grimmjow saves Orihime for the Loli and Menoli

Grimmjow: *grabs Orihime by the neck* Right, I saved your pretty ass—NOW GIVE ME THE YARN YOU PROMISED!!


Scene 6: Nnoitra looks at Orihime. And by Orihime, I mean her ginormous boobs.

Nnoitra: Mmm...tittie buns...

Tesla: *staring at Nnoitra like he does for 99% of his appearances* Omg, I just love it when Nnoitra-sama pervs like that!...

*in the flashback, Nelliel leaves a beaten Nnoitra*

Tesla: *Omg, I just love it when Nnoitra-sama spews blood like that...!*


Scene 7: Aaroneirro vs. Rukia.

Rukia: What have you done with Kaien-dono?!

AA: Oh yeah, he tasted great!

Rukia: What?! What about Orihime?!

AA: She also tasted great!

Rukia: *owns his bubbly ass*


Scene 8: If the Espada were to do their own TV show, it would be named...

--Ulquiorra's 'Why-Cut-Yourself-When-You-Can-Angst-With-Me? show.'

--Grimmjow's 'F*ck Physics—Get Great Hair Like Mine!!'

--Harribel's 'How to feel comfortable with boobs the size of California'.

--Aaroneirro's 'How I survive in a Kitchen Product'.

--Yammy's 'Rap with the Master!!'

--Zommari's 'Meditation for Dummies.'

--Nnoitra's 'Loose Men'.

--Szayel's 'How I Came Out and Got On With It'

--Starrk's 'How to Nap Through Life's Trials and Tribulations'.
None of the Espada (c) or Shinigami mentioned above belong to me--they belong to Tite Kubo :D
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:iconpainmistress:
Painmistress Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so hilarious!
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:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! :hug:
Reply
:iconpainmistress:
Painmistress Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem!Also if I could dance, I would dance with Ulqui!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Student Writer
Who wouldn't?! :D Not even Grimmjow fans would pass up the chance! XD
Reply
:iconburnt-rose-pedals:
Burnt-Rose-Pedals Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
[link] and [link] I could pick which one XD
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Student Writer
:rofl: XD OMG LOL XD
Reply
:iconburnt-rose-pedals:
Burnt-Rose-Pedals Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
There's another thing you won't ever catch Ulquiorra saying: I'm a Banana :iconpeanutbutterjellyplz:
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Student Writer
LMAO YEAH XD
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:iconmeap4u:
Meap4U Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
--Ulquiorra's 'Why-Cut-Yourself-When-You-Can-Angst-With-Me? show.'

--Grimmjow's 'F*ck Physics%u2014Get Great Hair Like Mine!!'

--Harribel's 'How to feel comfortable with boobs the size of California'.

How do you do it?! LOL!!!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011  Student Writer
Uh...my retarded mind?! XD Thank you so much for all the faves!! :love:
Reply
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