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Scene 1: If the Espada hosted documentaries...

Ulquiorra: God—does he truly exist?...No he doesn't. Goodnight. *walks off*

Nnoitra: *walking in the desert in Hueco Mundo* And it was here, several months ago, that as me and Nelliel faced off for Round 2... Nelliel...shat herself.

Grimmjow: Cats—are they truly badass? F*CK YES, GOODNIGHT!!

Szayel: 12:30 pm. Aizen does not expect the pleasant surprise of finding me in his bedroom butt-naked and tied to his bedposts...

Harribel: In today's episode of 'WOMEN TODAY',  I will reveal the latest women's poll, in which they were asked: "Are men worth it?" ....99.9% said 'F*ck no!' and a very sad 1% said 'yes'. May God have mercy on her soul.


Scene 2: Yammy battles Yoriuchi and Uruhara in his and Ulqui's debut.

*Yammy is owned*

Ulquiorra: *thinking* *sigh* If you want something done properly, kill Yammy before you start.


Scene 3: Things you would never hear the Espada say...

Grimmjow: Hey, Kurosaki, would you like to go to lunch with me?

Harribel: F*CK WOMEN, I'M HAVIN' A SEX CHANGE!

Nnoitra: MAH SPOON IS TOO BIG!!

Nelliel: Nnoitra, your ways are childish and an insult to the Espada...AND I SO RESPECT YOU FOR THAT!! *glomps him*

Yammy: Did you know, Ulquiorra, that the Espada's traditional dress dates back to the 14th century? The name 'hakama'—our lower garment covering us from the hip down—originates from the word...

Szayel: Imma gonna go out and f*ck a woman!

Zommari: F*CK YOU, AIZEN!!!

Starrk: *to Lillynette* Holy sh*t I'm so high right now!!! Let's go run round some more!!

AA: Kuchiki, let's get married like the fans want us too!!

Barragan: I think I wet myself...

Ulquiorra:  I'M SO FRICKIN' HAPPY RIGHT NOW!! *dances around the room with Orihime*


Scene 4: Ulquiorra faces off with Ichigo (round 2).

Ulqui: I have been ordered by Aizen-sama to keep this girl here. I will not kill her unless ordered to.

Ichigo: Hang on, you were listening when Aizen SPECIFICALLY SAID: "The girl is useless to us now, come and take her back"?

Ulqui:...Your point?

Ichigo: 'My point'?! You just contradicted yourself in the space of ONE SENTANCE! You're holding a hostage that your leader said could be taken away—therefore, you don't seem to want me to take her away! MEANING: ULQUIHIME.IS.CANON!!!! YOU GAVE YOURSELF AWAY! HA!!

Ulqui:...May I be permitted to voice a short, violent exclamation?

Ichigo: Uh...sure?

Ulqui: DAMN!!!!


Scene 5: Aizen delivers some bad news...

Aizen: Greetings, Espada...I'm afraid I have terrible news to report to you...

*The Espada tense*

Aizen:...and that is...

*More tension...*

Aizen: We've...run out of tea.

*Espada: DUN DUN—wait, WHAT?*

Espada: *deadpan* Uh...right.  Oh dear. Such a shame...how will we ever recover from this tragic loss...?

Ulquiorra: Aizen-sama, may I be excused for a moment?

Aizen: Certainly.

Ulquiorra: *walks out*

*a few minutes later, the cry of a man in agony is heard*

Ulquiorra: OH GOD, NO!!!!!


Scene 5: Grimmjow saves Orihime for the Loli and Menoli

Grimmjow: *grabs Orihime by the neck* Right, I saved your pretty ass—NOW GIVE ME THE YARN YOU PROMISED!!


Scene 6: Nnoitra looks at Orihime. And by Orihime, I mean her ginormous boobs.

Nnoitra: Mmm...tittie buns...

Tesla: *staring at Nnoitra like he does for 99% of his appearances* Omg, I just love it when Nnoitra-sama pervs like that!...

*in the flashback, Nelliel leaves a beaten Nnoitra*

Tesla: *Omg, I just love it when Nnoitra-sama spews blood like that...!*


Scene 7: Aaroneirro vs. Rukia.

Rukia: What have you done with Kaien-dono?!

AA: Oh yeah, he tasted great!

Rukia: What?! What about Orihime?!

AA: She also tasted great!

Rukia: *owns his bubbly ass*


Scene 8: If the Espada were to do their own TV show, it would be named...

--Ulquiorra's 'Why-Cut-Yourself-When-You-Can-Angst-With-Me? show.'

--Grimmjow's 'F*ck Physics—Get Great Hair Like Mine!!'

--Harribel's 'How to feel comfortable with boobs the size of California'.

--Aaroneirro's 'How I survive in a Kitchen Product'.

--Yammy's 'Rap with the Master!!'

--Zommari's 'Meditation for Dummies.'

--Nnoitra's 'Loose Men'.

--Szayel's 'How I Came Out and Got On With It'

--Starrk's 'How to Nap Through Life's Trials and Tribulations'.
None of the Espada (c) or Shinigami mentioned above belong to me--they belong to Tite Kubo :D
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpainmistress:
Painmistress Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so hilarious!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! :hug:
Reply
:iconpainmistress:
Painmistress Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem!Also if I could dance, I would dance with Ulqui!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Student Writer
Who wouldn't?! :D Not even Grimmjow fans would pass up the chance! XD
Reply
:iconburnt-rose-pedals:
Burnt-Rose-Pedals Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
[link] and [link] I could pick which one XD
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Student Writer
:rofl: XD OMG LOL XD
Reply
:iconburnt-rose-pedals:
Burnt-Rose-Pedals Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
There's another thing you won't ever catch Ulquiorra saying: I'm a Banana :iconpeanutbutterjellyplz:
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Student Writer
LMAO YEAH XD
Reply
:iconmeap4u:
Meap4U Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
--Ulquiorra's 'Why-Cut-Yourself-When-You-Can-Angst-With-Me? show.'

--Grimmjow's 'F*ck Physics%u2014Get Great Hair Like Mine!!'

--Harribel's 'How to feel comfortable with boobs the size of California'.

How do you do it?! LOL!!!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011  Student Writer
Uh...my retarded mind?! XD Thank you so much for all the faves!! :love:
Reply
:icontomp1005:
tomp1005 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011
Harribel's T.v show name sounds great, Now i just have to wait for the show to start



--
If im not in bed, im in your mother's bed
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011  Student Writer
:lol: Yeah XD
Reply
:iconmaia61:
Maia61 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011
lol who gets 1% of tesla's attention? but these are funny as :rofl:
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:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011  Student Writer
Hm...probably his pet pig, Debby. XD Thank you very much! I hope you enjoy my other parodies as well! ^^
Reply
:iconmaia61:
Maia61 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011
he has a pet pig? i feel sorry for it for not getting much attention, and i am these are hilarious =D
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011  Student Writer
:lol: Aw, thank you! ^^
Reply
:iconmaia61:
Maia61 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011
np just finished reading the rest, there isnt enough there :sniff:, could you possibly make some more?
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011  Student Writer
I will indeed make more! Next one coming up is dedicated to Gin for an obsessive Gin fan who loves my parodies! :D
Reply
:iconmaia61:
Maia61 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011
awsm, cant wait for the next one :clap:
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconblack-richa:
Black-Richa Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2011
Nelliel shat herself :pointandlaugh:
I love Stark in scene 3 :lmao:
Time to dance with Ulquiorra :iconweekenddanceplz:
Not thah tea!! :iconcomebackplz:
That probably is what Orihime did to Grimmjow :paranoid:
Tesla... naughty naughty :giggle:
I'd so watch Ulquiorra's, Grimmjow's and Starrk's TV show :nod:

:icongreatjobplz: :icononionxdplz:
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you!! :love:
Reply
:iconblack-richa:
Black-Richa Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2011
You're welcome :hug:
Reply
:iconlub-lubs:
Lub-Lubs Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
god, these are HILARIOUS!!!!
i mean, how do you think up this sorta thing?
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :D I have a very random mind XD Sometimes I think of stuff and burst out laughing at random intervals--mostly in public XD
Reply
:iconlub-lubs:
Lub-Lubs Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
i do that too!
i just hear something, then burst out laughing!
it's funny to me but nobody else gets it when i try to explain
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2011  Student Writer
:lol: Same here!! XD
Reply
:iconxxxchibixkittyxxx:
xXxchibixkittyxXx Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011
omg lol this is funny as hell XD
"Ulquiorra: OH GOD, NO!!!!!" and i thought he said that god didn't exist XD
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Student Writer
:lol: Thankyou! :heart: Yeah, the fact that Ulqui contradicted himself about the God thing shows the depth of his despair at losing the tea XD
Reply
:iconxxxchibixkittyxxx:
xXxchibixkittyxXx Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011
lol yeah that's kinda true...poor Ulqui can't live without tea...(Ulquixtea YAY new crackpairing XD)
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Student Writer
:lmao: UlquixTea XD
Reply
:iconxxxchibixkittyxxx:
xXxchibixkittyxXx Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011
...i want to go to their marriage:meow:...
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Student Writer
:rofl: I've got to do a parody scene about that XD
Reply
:iconxxxchibixkittyxxx:
xXxchibixkittyxXx Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011
:iconyeahplz:you should,it would be funny as hell:icononionxdplz:
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011  Student Writer
I've already done it! :D ESPADA Aniem Scenes Parody 8 is up! ^^
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsenbonzakura77:
Senbonzakura77 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Scene 4 made me laugh my fucking ass off :iconmonkeylaughplz: Oh oh god too funny ahh *wipes tear* God you need to make more :D
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Student Writer
Glad to hear it! :heart: I plan to make more after I've finished my new Ulqui fanfic :D
Reply
:iconsenbonzakura77:
Senbonzakura77 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yayz!!! Aww man I love Grimm and Ulqui but I have yet to draw them TTATT I want school to end!!!!!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Student Writer
I want school to end too :(...2 MORE WEEKS OF HELL T_T Every other country I know of has been off for ages now! Why does England have to be different?! >_<
Reply
:iconsenbonzakura77:
Senbonzakura77 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
OH MY AIZEN! I know right!!! All my friends in America have been off for a week already and they go back to school AFTER us TTATT What is with that!?
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Student Writer
Omg you too?! Not fair >_<
Reply
:iconsenbonzakura77:
Senbonzakura77 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah its not fair >.> 6 weeks holiday is bullcrap! I want an American school holiday!!!!!!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Student Writer
ME TOO!! :rage:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconfishybusiness54:
fishybusiness54 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011
Yes, millions of gallons of hair gel lets Grimmjow defy the laws of physics :w00t:
#1 is hilarious! I laughed so hard :D
I nearly died with the spoon reference :rofl:
"MAH SPOON'S TOO BIG!" XD BAHAHAHA!!!
Reply
:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Student Writer
:lol: Thank you! I hope you enjoy my other parodies too ^^
Reply
:iconyanagi-no-yume:
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011
Ulqui's documentary was awesome XD And cats really are badass.

But I think the item of clothing called a 'hakama' is older than the 14th century. There is mention of it in Sei Shonagon's book, and that dates back from late 10th/early 11th century. However, it is likely that this piece of clothing looked different from the one wed know. (useless bits of information ftw!)

You know, I did wonder about the same contradiction in scene 4. (lol, Ichigo is probably happy he is free to date Rukia)

D: Not the tea!!!

Lol at #6 and 7 as well.

I could probably co-host Starrk's show. Just replace 'nap' with 'stare out of the window' XD
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:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you!! :love: Btw, I made up the date of the hakama origin, so... ^^; XD Thanks anyway :D Interesting ^^
Reply
:iconyanagi-no-yume:
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011
You're welcome ^^ And since you've provoked me into sharing more random information, here's more: the translator's notes on the same book said that the piece of clothing that was originally called a hakama was just a linen wrap worn underneath the clothes. It later evolved into the pants-like form. However, from the sentence it appeared in it seemed that it was already not an undergarment by the time the book was written. I'm giving out more random info than usual since I'll be leaving to travel abroad for the next week and I won't be taking my laptop, so I'll be internet-less. So I'm making up for it (sorry if it's annoying) XD
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:iconfrostysnowman94:
frostysnowman94 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Student Writer
Wow, cool ^^ Thanks for the info :D I hope you have a nice time abroad! ^^
Reply
:iconkikukina:
Kikukina Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
OMG YES~~ XD Loved this part:
"Ulqui:...May I be permitted to voice a short, violent exclamation?

Ichigo: Uh...sure?

Ulqui: DAMN!!!!"
:XD::XD::XD:
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