Letters to England- America 3

Dude!

Uhh.... When did you get the idea that I liked it in the first place? Everyone else just wanted to make you happy by eating them... then vomit with poison once they got out of the room.

You did want to nuke France, how will that not cause huge deaths, dude? And don't blame me for not knowing what France wants! I didn't know he wants to get in your pants, jeez bro... And it doesn't look like you have a slight dignity left anyways, especially when you told me what happened after France so-called 'tried to marry you' problem thingy. Looked like you lost it. o3o

I don't have a filthy mind, you just wrote that out of nowhere, eyebrows! France is a nice dude, we just hang out and eat at his place then watch games later. Even if you try to get away from him, you probably got some stuff rubbed off onto you. XP And who's Canada...?

You can't take a small joke in your life, Iggy... I rather keep my nukes then use them or give it away. Everyone just has to go into battle while I'll be the Hero and win~! And yes, you're getting really old, Iggy...

HAH! No one can hate the Hero! You can't read minds anyways.... or can you? Can you read minds if you think you're answering for everybody? OH MY GOD TEACH ME! TEACH ME TEACH ME!! I WANNA READ MINDS, IGGY!! O3O

-The Hero, who is hungry right now....

P.S. 'Cause it's true. You don't own me anymore so~ I can do whatever I want. o3o

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America,

"Where did I get the idea"?? From your own mouth! While you were living with me, you would always say every mealtime that you liked my food, and I never saw one speck of sick in the toilet or on the floor afterwards! There! And I know the others hate the stuff! It's their bloody fault for eating it if they know how bad it is! I'm not delusional like Prussia...or you, for that matter!  It's also one hell of a good laugh to see their faces turn blue, don't you think? Cracks me up every time.

I don't to nuke France as a whole! Just his house—he's the only one who lives there! Oh hang on, he has prostitutes there too...damn...must hire assassin...America, you wouldn't have any Mafia connections at all, would you? If so, tell them I'm willing to pay big fat wads of cash if they can successfully kill the Frog once and for all. And you ought to know what France wants—everybody with eyes can see it! Oh wait, you're long-sighted (hence the specs, which I know are fake because you're too vain to wear real ones because I've seen you bash into walls with them on), and so can't see hardly anything that's happening right in front of your eyes—you just guess half the time.

And I do so have dignity! You don't see ME cowering in my bedroom under a blanket in the dark from the humiliation of THAT INCIDENT do you? I'm not Japan goddamnit—I get on with it no matter what, as we British do! Don't remind me what happened...I think we can all agree it wasn't pretty and we'd all feel much better if we never thought about it again...

Fine, I admit what I wrote sounded wrong, but you should know how I struggle in conversation! That's the whole reason I started these letters! Especially when I'm angry. "France is a nice dude" my arse! That bastard loved to torment me ever since I was a child, put me down, and always made me feel like I could do fuck all! Hah—showed him with the British Empire! But now it's all gone...and the damn Frog won't stop grinding salt into the open wound, the son of a...Ah, what the hell, you don't give two damns anyway.

Canada...? You know what, I have absolutely no idea. I must've remembered the name of the dish I ate a while ago...I don't know, honestly.

Fine, fine, keep your bloody nukes, and whatever you do—NEVER, EVER USE THEM. EVER. I don't care what Iraq's doing, or any other Middle Eastern country, I don't care how long it took you to make them, I don't care if you're bored waiting for the adverts to finish while watching a Family Guy marathon—KEEP THE NUKES UNDER LOCK AND KEY AND ANGRY BODYGUARD. The world's a better place that way. You don't use your nukes, we won't use ours.

You'll be the hero and win? Oh, like you won in Vietnam and Korea? Give it up, you're no hero. You just love to stuff your nose into other people's businesses and make an even bigger mess out of world problems by doing so. Just like the above wars. And now with Iraq. Why did you go in there? To protect democracy and freedom my arse! You went there because you just can't help yourself. I, of course, went into the place too—but only after a massive protest supported by the people...but you know that Blair never listened to me. No political leader of mine ever has.

You wanted the glory, the oil, the opportunity to reinforce your title as the self-proclaimed 'protector of democracy'. You and Bush were partners in crime. Who taught you about democracy? Huh? Who was it? Oh right, it was ME! And I certainly don't remember telling you to gallivant round the world wearing a Superman costume and shouting about freedom. Did it ever occur to you that our countries don't want your sodding help? Every time you intervene, it always ends in tears—look at the giant cock-up that is Iraq! You got Saddam Hussean, he's dead—SO WHAT? It's not over! It will never be over, no matter how long you spend down there, it will never change anything! How many more soldiers of ours have to die before you realise that? I'm sick to my stomach of all of it.

Changing the subject, here's a list of countries that hate America:

Palestine, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, North/South Korea, Japan (on account of Okinawa Island), Turkey, Egypt,  Britain, France,  Cuba, China and Canada.

Not to mention everybody else who dislikes you. And literally everybody hates you for the following reasons (see link on your beloved internet):

listverse.com/2009/05/13/top-1…

READ IT AND WEEP.

And yes I can read minds. And yes I will teach you, just to show you that I'm right about all of the above.

-England

P.S: When WW3 happens, and you're crying your eyes out at the end of it, trust me, I will own you again—and this time, I'll never let you go, so you can never hurt others like you have ever again.