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Literature Text
Scene 1: The Espada discover the 'If Your Name was an Emo Song' website. And yes, it is real.
Ulquiorra: *types in his name*
The result: 'Ignore my soul because you're bored.'
Ulqui: T_T Bastards.
Nnoitra: *types in his name*
The result: 'Ignore my paranoia because you're so controversial.'
Nnoitra: ...That just screams me and Nelliel.
Harribel: *types in her name*
The result 'Revive my heart because I want to believe in us'
Harribel:...Why didn't Ulquiorra get this?
Grimmjow: *types in his name*
The result: 'Revive my soul right now'.
Grimmjow: Damn straight!!! *roars*... Wait, WHAT?!
Szayel: *types in his name*
The result: 'Stab my sanity because I want to believe in us'.
Szayel: YEAH, STAB ME, BITCHES! STAB ME HARD!
All: Masochist...O.O;
Zommari: *types his name*
The result: Revive my paranoia forever.
Zommari: Why would anyone WANT to be paranoid??!! Unless you're Nnoitra.
Nnoitra: YO MOMMA IS PARANOID!!
Zommari: *sarcastically* Ooh, burn.
Starrk: *gets Lillynette to type in his name for him*
The result: 'Stab my tears because you're bored.'
Starrk: Seriously, what's with these people and stabbing?
Yammy: *misspells his name several times*
The result: (made-up) 'Sh*t man, why do you even bother?'
Yammy: WAAAH, THE SHINY BOX HATES ME!!!
Scene 2: Nnoitra Discovers ITunes.
Nnoitra: *Notices computer on in Szayel's lab, sits down at it and sees the ITunes icon.*
Nnoitra: Wtf? Is this that song downloading thing Poof-Lantern's been raving on about?
*evil grin*
Nnoitra: IMMA DOWNLOADING SHIT!!! *laughs manically*
LIST OF SONGS NNOITRA DOWNLOADED:
'Too Drunk To F*ck' by Dead Kennedys.
'Dear Penis or Titties and Beer' by Rodney Carrington.
'F*ck off and die' by Green Day.
'Ain't My Bitch' by Metallica.
'Son Of A B*tch' by Accept.
'Arma-God-Damn-Mother-F*cking-Geddon' by Marilyn Manson (after whom the fandom suspect Nnoitra modelled himself.)
Among others...
Scene 3: One Night in Hueco Mundo, Nnoitra and Nelliel are arguing. This event was about as constant as Ulquiorra's frown. You get the point.
Nnoitra: BITCH, I AM NOT WATCHING THE MANTIS DOCUMENTARIES!!
Nelliel: ONLY BECAUSE YOU KEEP IMAGINING IT'S ME BITING OFF YOUR HEAD WHILE WE MAKE VIOLENT INSECT LOVE!
Nnoitra: STOP PUTTING THE IMAGES IN MY HEAD!!!
Nelliel: BUT IT'S NOT REAL!
Nnoitra: I DON'T CARE!!
Nelliel: RIGHT, THAT'S TORN IT, AND BY 'IT' I MEAN YOUR PORN MAGS!!
*opens a gargantar, takes out his secret porn mag stash, whose existence she discovered via secret camera surveillance (done for purely non-stalking reasons, of course), rips them up and chucks them on open fire Ulquiorra made a few paces away, at which he is sitting and roasting marshmellows.*
Nnoitra: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY BABIES!!! *falls to his knees and yells in despair* DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TA HELL!!!
Nelliel:
Ulquiorra: *completely unfazed, watching the burning lump of porn before him, and takes a bite out of the marshmallow he just finished roasting* Hmm...Shattered dreams and despair. Yummy.
Nnoitra: *whom Realisation smacks round the face with a freakishly-large cod* OMG YESSSS!!! *jumps up and whoops in triumph*
Nelliel: *thinking he's finally snapped* O.O; What're you so happy about?
Nnoitra: *turns slowly and gives her his trademark shit-eating grin* I just remembered something...I paid for my porn using your credit cards.
Nelliel: O.O;; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY LIFE SAVINGS!!! *falls to her knees and yells in despair* DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TA HELL!!!
Nnoitra: *still grinning* Credit card fraud's a bitch, ain't it?
Ulquiorra: *om-nom-nomming on his marshmallow* Indeed it is.
Nnoitra: O.O;;;
Scene 4: The Espada talk about their time as animals/objects during the Fullbring Arc.
Ulquiorra: I was made a bat. Thus I stayed in Kurosaki's attic the entire time. It was fun when his blond sister came up, saw me, and freaked out. That is, until she got the broom out...
Nnoitra: They turned me into a f*ckin' spoon!! In Ichigo's house!! Breakfast that day....*shudders* I can still feel that bastard's tongue on my face...AAAAHHH!!!
Szayel: You think you had it bad?! I WAS TURNED INTO A CONDOM!!! I—
Grimmjow: Whatever happened, we really don't want to know!! Our sanity is raped as it is without you f*cking it up more!
All: Agreed.
Szayel: *muttering* Homophobes...I'll get them back one day...with my GAYANATOR!!! *evil cackle*
All: O.O...Wtf?
Szayel: *sweetly* Nooooothin'!
Grimmjow: I was turned into a blue cat. That was cool. I could piss anywhere and on anyone I wanted to—especially Ichigo and his house in general—and I could eat and sleep wherever the heck I wanted—on Ulquiorra's face, mostly—(Ulquiorra: O.O...What?)... But then...*shudders*
All: What happened?
Grimmjow: Their neighbour's Rottweiler...
Ulquiorra:...Raped him.
Nnoitra: HA!!! GRIMMJOW LOST HIS VIRGINITY TO A DOG!!! XD
Grimmjow: YO MOMMA LOST HER VIRGINITY TO A DOG!!
All: OOOOOooooooooooooooo! Burn!
Nnoitra: Asshole—LOL, IRONY! XD
Grimmjow: >_<
Starrk: I was turned into a coyote. Yeah, we all saw that comin'. And you can prob'ly guess what I was doing in that time...
Yammy: I was a baby chimp. I pooped.
Nnoitra: We coulda gone our whole lives not knowing that...or seeing that...image...in our minds *shudders*
Yammy: RACIST!
Nnoitra: O.O;
Zommari: I was turned into a paperweight...
All: LOL, should've figured as much!
Scene 5: Grimmjow vs Shinji.
Shinji: TASTE THE MIGHT OF JAZZ FUNK, BITCH!!
Grimmjow: OH YEAH? I HOPE YOU CRY WHEN YOU GET YOUR JAZZY ASS KICKED BY MY METAL POWER!!!
Shinji: YOU'RE ONE TO TALK—WHO WAS CONKED OUT ON DRUGS LAST SUNDAY AFTER A GIG, HUH? HUH?!
Grimmjow: OH LIKE YOU WEREN'T IN THE SAME CONDITION ELSEWHERE WITH YOUR HIPPIE FRIENDS!!
*they continue to bitch*
Ichigo: Uh...reckon this'll take a while?
Rukia: Definately. Hey, let's go get popcorn.
Ichigo: And remember to get me Salty—
Rukia: *far away at the popcorn stand* WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! *buys him Sweet instead*
Ichigo: She never let's me have my way...*sulks*
Scene 6: Szayel talks about being Homo in a seemingly straight shounen manga.
Szayel: I'm hot, I'm gay, and I'm a villain. That means I fit in no-where. The hot guys go 'OMG HE'S GAY—LET'S ASSERT OUR MASCULINITY BY THROWING OUR COCKS AROUND AND SLEEPING WITH HOES!' and the gay guys go: 'OMG HE'S LIKE, SO A CANON HOMO! LET'S SHUN HIM WITH OUR COLD FEMININE INDIFFERENCE!, and the villains go: 'OMG HE'S HOTTER THAN US—LET'S WORK OUT TILL OUR MUSCLES SURPASS HIS SEXINESS! Or else wear make-up—whichever works best.'
*sighs*
Szayel: I wouldn't have been able to be where I was if it weren't for Nnoi-Nnoi...
Nnoitra: *offscreen* YES YOU COULD!!!
Ulquiorra: *types in his name*
The result: 'Ignore my soul because you're bored.'
Ulqui: T_T Bastards.
Nnoitra: *types in his name*
The result: 'Ignore my paranoia because you're so controversial.'
Nnoitra: ...That just screams me and Nelliel.
Harribel: *types in her name*
The result 'Revive my heart because I want to believe in us'
Harribel:...Why didn't Ulquiorra get this?
Grimmjow: *types in his name*
The result: 'Revive my soul right now'.
Grimmjow: Damn straight!!! *roars*... Wait, WHAT?!
Szayel: *types in his name*
The result: 'Stab my sanity because I want to believe in us'.
Szayel: YEAH, STAB ME, BITCHES! STAB ME HARD!
All: Masochist...O.O;
Zommari: *types his name*
The result: Revive my paranoia forever.
Zommari: Why would anyone WANT to be paranoid??!! Unless you're Nnoitra.
Nnoitra: YO MOMMA IS PARANOID!!
Zommari: *sarcastically* Ooh, burn.
Starrk: *gets Lillynette to type in his name for him*
The result: 'Stab my tears because you're bored.'
Starrk: Seriously, what's with these people and stabbing?
Yammy: *misspells his name several times*
The result: (made-up) 'Sh*t man, why do you even bother?'
Yammy: WAAAH, THE SHINY BOX HATES ME!!!
Scene 2: Nnoitra Discovers ITunes.
Nnoitra: *Notices computer on in Szayel's lab, sits down at it and sees the ITunes icon.*
Nnoitra: Wtf? Is this that song downloading thing Poof-Lantern's been raving on about?
*evil grin*
Nnoitra: IMMA DOWNLOADING SHIT!!! *laughs manically*
LIST OF SONGS NNOITRA DOWNLOADED:
'Too Drunk To F*ck' by Dead Kennedys.
'Dear Penis or Titties and Beer' by Rodney Carrington.
'F*ck off and die' by Green Day.
'Ain't My Bitch' by Metallica.
'Son Of A B*tch' by Accept.
'Arma-God-Damn-Mother-F*cking-Geddon' by Marilyn Manson (after whom the fandom suspect Nnoitra modelled himself.)
Among others...
Scene 3: One Night in Hueco Mundo, Nnoitra and Nelliel are arguing. This event was about as constant as Ulquiorra's frown. You get the point.
Nnoitra: BITCH, I AM NOT WATCHING THE MANTIS DOCUMENTARIES!!
Nelliel: ONLY BECAUSE YOU KEEP IMAGINING IT'S ME BITING OFF YOUR HEAD WHILE WE MAKE VIOLENT INSECT LOVE!
Nnoitra: STOP PUTTING THE IMAGES IN MY HEAD!!!
Nelliel: BUT IT'S NOT REAL!
Nnoitra: I DON'T CARE!!
Nelliel: RIGHT, THAT'S TORN IT, AND BY 'IT' I MEAN YOUR PORN MAGS!!
*opens a gargantar, takes out his secret porn mag stash, whose existence she discovered via secret camera surveillance (done for purely non-stalking reasons, of course), rips them up and chucks them on open fire Ulquiorra made a few paces away, at which he is sitting and roasting marshmellows.*
Nnoitra: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY BABIES!!! *falls to his knees and yells in despair* DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TA HELL!!!
Nelliel:
Ulquiorra: *completely unfazed, watching the burning lump of porn before him, and takes a bite out of the marshmallow he just finished roasting* Hmm...Shattered dreams and despair. Yummy.
Nnoitra: *whom Realisation smacks round the face with a freakishly-large cod* OMG YESSSS!!! *jumps up and whoops in triumph*
Nelliel: *thinking he's finally snapped* O.O; What're you so happy about?
Nnoitra: *turns slowly and gives her his trademark shit-eating grin* I just remembered something...I paid for my porn using your credit cards.
Nelliel: O.O;; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY LIFE SAVINGS!!! *falls to her knees and yells in despair* DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TA HELL!!!
Nnoitra: *still grinning* Credit card fraud's a bitch, ain't it?
Ulquiorra: *om-nom-nomming on his marshmallow* Indeed it is.
Nnoitra: O.O;;;
Scene 4: The Espada talk about their time as animals/objects during the Fullbring Arc.
Ulquiorra: I was made a bat. Thus I stayed in Kurosaki's attic the entire time. It was fun when his blond sister came up, saw me, and freaked out. That is, until she got the broom out...
Nnoitra: They turned me into a f*ckin' spoon!! In Ichigo's house!! Breakfast that day....*shudders* I can still feel that bastard's tongue on my face...AAAAHHH!!!
Szayel: You think you had it bad?! I WAS TURNED INTO A CONDOM!!! I—
Grimmjow: Whatever happened, we really don't want to know!! Our sanity is raped as it is without you f*cking it up more!
All: Agreed.
Szayel: *muttering* Homophobes...I'll get them back one day...with my GAYANATOR!!! *evil cackle*
All: O.O...Wtf?
Szayel: *sweetly* Nooooothin'!
Grimmjow: I was turned into a blue cat. That was cool. I could piss anywhere and on anyone I wanted to—especially Ichigo and his house in general—and I could eat and sleep wherever the heck I wanted—on Ulquiorra's face, mostly—(Ulquiorra: O.O...What?)... But then...*shudders*
All: What happened?
Grimmjow: Their neighbour's Rottweiler...
Ulquiorra:...Raped him.
Nnoitra: HA!!! GRIMMJOW LOST HIS VIRGINITY TO A DOG!!! XD
Grimmjow: YO MOMMA LOST HER VIRGINITY TO A DOG!!
All: OOOOOooooooooooooooo! Burn!
Nnoitra: Asshole—LOL, IRONY! XD
Grimmjow: >_<
Starrk: I was turned into a coyote. Yeah, we all saw that comin'. And you can prob'ly guess what I was doing in that time...
Yammy: I was a baby chimp. I pooped.
Nnoitra: We coulda gone our whole lives not knowing that...or seeing that...image...in our minds *shudders*
Yammy: RACIST!
Nnoitra: O.O;
Zommari: I was turned into a paperweight...
All: LOL, should've figured as much!
Scene 5: Grimmjow vs Shinji.
Shinji: TASTE THE MIGHT OF JAZZ FUNK, BITCH!!
Grimmjow: OH YEAH? I HOPE YOU CRY WHEN YOU GET YOUR JAZZY ASS KICKED BY MY METAL POWER!!!
Shinji: YOU'RE ONE TO TALK—WHO WAS CONKED OUT ON DRUGS LAST SUNDAY AFTER A GIG, HUH? HUH?!
Grimmjow: OH LIKE YOU WEREN'T IN THE SAME CONDITION ELSEWHERE WITH YOUR HIPPIE FRIENDS!!
*they continue to bitch*
Ichigo: Uh...reckon this'll take a while?
Rukia: Definately. Hey, let's go get popcorn.
Ichigo: And remember to get me Salty—
Rukia: *far away at the popcorn stand* WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! *buys him Sweet instead*
Ichigo: She never let's me have my way...*sulks*
Scene 6: Szayel talks about being Homo in a seemingly straight shounen manga.
Szayel: I'm hot, I'm gay, and I'm a villain. That means I fit in no-where. The hot guys go 'OMG HE'S GAY—LET'S ASSERT OUR MASCULINITY BY THROWING OUR COCKS AROUND AND SLEEPING WITH HOES!' and the gay guys go: 'OMG HE'S LIKE, SO A CANON HOMO! LET'S SHUN HIM WITH OUR COLD FEMININE INDIFFERENCE!, and the villains go: 'OMG HE'S HOTTER THAN US—LET'S WORK OUT TILL OUR MUSCLES SURPASS HIS SEXINESS! Or else wear make-up—whichever works best.'
*sighs*
Szayel: I wouldn't have been able to be where I was if it weren't for Nnoi-Nnoi...
Nnoitra: *offscreen* YES YOU COULD!!!
Literature
12 days of Bleach Christmas
On the First day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Ichigo Kurosaki
On the Second day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
The Last Quincy Fighter,
And Ichigo Kurosaki
On the Third Day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
Three Shinigami,
The last Quincey Fighter,
Literature
Peep
"Grimmjow, what is the and where on earth did you get it?" Ulquiorra asked looking at the marshmallow duck shaped candy in his hands.
"That Ulquiorra is a Peep, they're super yummy! Eat it!" Grimmjow smiled as he took the Peep from Ulquiorra's hands and held it up to his black and wight lips.
"I re-" Ulquiorra was cut off as Grimmjow had shoved the marshmallow into his mouth. "Mmm" He had moaned a little as the candy squished in his mouth.
He chewed closing his eyes, sowlling gracefully.
"Do you like it." Grimmjow asked hoping he wasn't about to get killed.
Slowly Ulquiorra opened his eyes and whispered. "More Peeps please" He then opene
Literature
How to make Grimmjow kill you
How to make Grimmjow kill you
1: Call him "Pretty kitty"...
2:....Say it with a southern accent
3: Scratch him behind the ear
4: role your R's to make a purring noise whenever you get the chance
5: Lie and say Ichigo is stronger then him
6: Call him the queen...
7:....Say that Ichigo is the king
8: Spray him with a water bottle when he does something bad
9: Offer him cookies and milk...
10:...Make the cookies fish shaped and put the milk in a bowl
11: Mew like a kitten and say"Daddy!"
12: Call the asylum
13: Ask him how he eats..
14:....Point to his hollow hole
15: Blow bubbles through his h
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I bet this one sucks I've had a kinda bad day, although it got better quite quickly. I'm better now tho
As always, the characters mentioned in this fic belong to Tite Kubo, not me.
As always, the characters mentioned in this fic belong to Tite Kubo, not me.
© 2011 - 2024 frostysnowman94
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I got "Ignore my heart for the last time". lolz